Monday, December 31, 2007

this will be our year

okay, so no one really cares about other people's dreams.
now that we've gotten that fact out of the way,
let me tell you about the dream i had saturday night.
i must have fallen asleep thinking about that flaming lips show in okc for nye that i will not get to attend.

because my dream was strictly about the flaming lips.
...and a few hundred wild animals.
everyone and every animal were walking in a massive field.
we were trying to get somewhere.
but i'm not certain where.
but the soundtrack was provided by the flaming lips,
that much is known.
it felt like i was in the opposite of their song "christmas at the zoo".
i need a dream book.
but i think it means 2008 is the year of the flaming lips?

so i seriously laid in bed all day after work on saturday.
and all day sunday...
watching movies, surfing the net and just doing a lot of thinking.
i finally watched "the secret" again.
and it helped pull me out of my funk for the time being.
i got up and straightened up my house a little bit.
it's still a pigpen, but it's getting better.
i am taking baby steps right now...
because of feeling like shit.

like the majority of the people i know,
i want to write a novel.
of course, this means for me i will need to spend a lot of time improving my grammar.
i finally decided what i am passionate enough to write about.
and i would like to pursue it.
it will be a lengthy process,
but i think i am able to turn out at least one good book in the next couple of years.
i think this move to washington will help in the process also.

so, one of the movies i watched during my bed rest was wristcutters : a love story
all and all i thought it was a pretty good movie.
i really liked the uniqueness of the idea behind the film.
but i still think it could have had a better story line.
i think the movie was based on a book though.
i can't remember.

so i have deiced to pretty much ignore everyone in my life.
i will not see you or talk to you,
unless you initiate it.
this might be viewed as me being a bitch.
you can view it as whatever you want to...
i just am tired of being backstabbed, lied to, put down, etc.
so if i don't talk to you,
it's not because i don't like you,
it's because i am doing it to everyone.
and if you don't initiate conversation with me by april,
then i will know how you feel.
and by that time i will be gone anyhow.
simple enough.
of course, i will probably change my mind before then
and start talking to people out of my own free will.
we will see.

this is my song for 2008:

the zombies - "this will be our year"

The warmth of your love
is like the warmth of the sun
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

don't let go of my hand
now darkness has gone
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

and I won't forget
the way you held me up when I was down
and I won't forget the way you said,
"Darling I love you"
You gave me faith to go on

Now we're there and we've only just begun
This will be our year
took a long time to come

The warmth of your smile
smile for me, little one
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

You don't have to worry
all your worried days are gone
this will be our year
took a long time to come

and I won't forget
the way you held me up when I was down
and I won't forget the way you said,
"Darling I love you"
You gave me faith to go on

Now we're there and we've only just begun
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

Yeah we only just begun
yeah this will be our year
took a long time to come

Saturday, December 29, 2007

i refuse to let idiots get me down...

i have to work new years day this year.
in the previous years i did not have to.
but new company, new rules.
so there will be no drinking or staying up late on nye.
no flaming lips in okc on nye either.

i have to start going to a laundry mat now to do laundry.
i don't want to go anywhere near my family's house anymore.
i don't want to be known as a user either.
so i haven't been to a laundry mat in several years.
anyone in tulsa know of any "good" ones??
like the ones where a bunch of trashy people DON'T hangout at?

my brother sent me a hateful email out of the blue last night.
i read it right before work this morning.
thats how you start your day out right...
reading crappy emails from your "loved ones".
i don't understand why he is acting like an asshole to me.
i never did him wrong.
i took him in for a week and a half for the ice storm with minimal complaining about him breaking a lot of my shit.
he probably got the best xmas present anyone received from me.
and i've always made an effort to hangout with him.
but whatever.
i refuse to let idiots get me down...
even if they are my family.

so anyways,
the internet goes off monday afternoon.
hopefully it will help me with my goal to stop wasting time online.
i don't really need to be online much anymore anyhow.

and if all goes as planned,
i will be getting my hair cut on friday.
i'm sick on my hair growing out.
it looks like complete shit.
and i have so many styling products going to waste because i can't really use them.

i opened another savings account with ing,
to keep my finances apart.
i already have all my money saved for the move.
so now i have to save for the stuff i need to do before moving...
like paying taxes, getting aaa membership, car tune-up, etc.
this way i will know i don't have to wonder/worry about the move money.

Friday, December 28, 2007

nothing matters anymore

all the holiday did for me is justify more reasons for me to move away.
work, family and some friends have frustrated me to no end.
i am hoping it is just because of everything that has happened the last 2 weeks or so.
but people have shown their true colors, that's for sure.
i don't want to go into details...
because complaining never helps.
lets just say i will be spending a lot of time quiet and to myself.

i have just felt like real shit the last few weeks.
when you are constantly put down by your family,
and then constantly put down at work by management...
you just don't feel like doing anything when you come home.
you feel like sleeping.
i have not even touched the presents from xmas i got.
they are still sitting in a bag in my living room.
i can't even really have anyone over to my house because it's a wreck.
i haven't felt like cleaning.
i guess you could say i'm depressed.
there are too many managers at work that are more than happy to tell you what needs to be done,
but when you try to voice a genuine concern to them,
they blow it off.
so you're still left doing other people's work.
then you get bitched at for having overtime.
i just want to quit my job and lay in bed all day.
i need a vacation badly.
i was trying to save all my vacation time up for when i quit...
it would make for a nice last paycheck.
even if i did take vacation,
i would come back to a goddamned nightmare or work to catch-up on,
because everyone knows nothing would get done.
it just feels like nothing matters anymore.
and thats a horrible feeling.

mom got me some thermal underwear for xmas.
normally i wouldn't bother commenting about something like this...
but they are SO warm and comfortable.
i want to wear them all of the time.
Cuddl Duds are my new friends.
i plan on buying several more pairs in the up-coming months before my move.

i watched america: freedom to fascism.
i guess there is no law stating you have to pay income taxes.
but you are still expected to pay them.
turns out the money from our income taxes doesn't even go to anything important.
that's why we have all those other taxes.
in fact, most of our income tax money is undocumented and no one knows where it goes to.
yet another reason to move out of the united states.
there are supposed to be new national i.d. cards issued in may 2008 to every american citizen.
if you don't accept the card,
you will no be allowed to board airplanes, open accounts with major banks or set foot in federal buildings.
doesn't sounds so bad to me.
the film also goes into the honesty of voting....
and how it doesn't even really matter who you vote for,
if someone rigs the count.
more reasons to feel let down.

i just found out about this site
it allows you to watch movies free of charge without having to download them or rent them.
there are similar websites out there,
but i really like the interface of this site.
i have viewed several full-length new releases this way.
ofcourse, it only has select movies.

i still plan on canceling my cable internet in a few days.
the savings will be well worth the time spent away from the internet.
i am able to get online through wifi at home everyday sometimes.
i can take my laptop to the tanning bed's parking lot and get a stable connection.
and if all else fails,
i can pay to use wifi at mcdonalds or borders or the like for a small fee.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

dance around like a retarded mick jagger

this entry started off with a nice, long complaint about work.
but i realized it doesn't help to bitch about it.
no one really cares, but me.
knowing that i will be moving in 3 or 4 months is the only thing keeping me from quitting at this very moment.
that is all.

i have not had time to change out the macbook hard drive or take it in to the apple store due to work.
it'll probably have to wait until after xmas now before going for repair.
not such a big deal since i have my imac....
i guess i prefer my imac's larger screen anyhow.

went out to dinner with mom and george thursday night.
it wasn't so great...
but it was good i guess that they paid for my meal.
it was just good to spend time with them.

eboost does not mix well with alcoholic beverages.
this fact did not deter me from drinking 3 drinks this way though.
it made my gin & tonic taste better.

i have been making assorted chocolate brittle like crazy.
i've made two large batches already.
with the first batch i gave some to 6 people at work and 1 for my mom.
the second batch mostly went to jennifer and her family (tiny pieces for the boys).
i have 1 more batch i want to make for my family and a couple more people at work.
i like making these chocolates because i can get creative with them...
and they are cheap to make when gifting them to several people.
cost per gift/serving = somewhere between .65 cents - 3.00 depending on size.

i realized today as i was gathering up xmas gifts for everyone,
that i will be one of those lonely old aunts that spends a shitload of money on everyone at xmas time.
because that's all i will have to live for each year.
anyone have a relative like that?
i don't... but i know of people that do.

this is the kind of christmas i want to have:


what would make me even more happy is if adrian learned the dance to the rolling stones 'start me up' video like he did for 'miss you':

actually, being able to dance around like a retarded mick jagger to any of these videos would please me really.

ever think that david lee roth wanted to make pornos...
but just kind of fell into van halen instead?

Thursday, December 20, 2007

the ice storm shuffle

i guess i mishandled my macbook one too many times during the ice storm shuffle,
and now it won't boot up.
so i will change out the hard drives either tonight or tomorrow and see if that fixes it.
if not, off to apple store it goes.
i'm hoping that it isn't the hard drive though.
because i will have lost everything on it and be out the money since i installed that myself.
if it's something else, apple will take care of it.
glad i didn't sell my imac or disc my internet yet.
i'm also glad that i have apple care.
i will be buying the 3 year plan within the next 6-7 months...
just in case.

i want to know why we have such idiots as managers at work?
i had 2 managers from work call me today at home about something one of the other girls could have clearly done.
so why could they not have asked them?
i'm tired of answering to a dozen different bosses and co-workers that don't hold up their end of the workload.
i am seriously considering calling or emailing our human resources director and telling him what i think of my idiot bosses.
a lot of other people are emailing about how shitty our store director is...
maybe i should also?

so anyways, i found a good idea for holiday snacks.
peppermint brittle looked good and fairly inexpensive to make.
i just made some...
and it's off the hook!
so if you see me in the next few days,
be prepared to get some of this yummy shit...
if you're lucky. :P

i think the coo-coo clock crackhead neighbor wants to be the next american idol.
he sings really loud... and horribly.
i yelled through the walls for him to "shut the fuck up"...
but he didn't. :(

so my parent's neighborhood finally got electric back on yesterday afternoon.
so i took my brother back home and my parents will be home today.
i also had to take lucy back to mom's house today.
it'll be sad to see her go,
because i have grown so attached to her over the last couple of weeks.
but as soon as my parents hit the road again,
i'll have to take care of her again.

it's only 5 days until christmas.
i lost that holiday thrill years ago...
and i especially don't have it since i work retail.
i just look forward to giving my gifts to my friends and family.
hoping that they take my gifts to heart.
and i also look forward to receiving gifts from my parents.
because my mom is going all out this year with the presents i guess.
so hopefully i got a gas card with a lot of $$$ on it.

i rented the future we will create from netflix sometime during the ice storm.
didn't get a chance to watch it until the electricity was restored.
and even then,
i didn't get to REALLY watch it.
so i watched it again today.
it's about the TED conventions.
it's interesting to see what new technology there is
and what new ideas there are for sustainability.