Friday, December 28, 2007

nothing matters anymore

all the holiday did for me is justify more reasons for me to move away.
work, family and some friends have frustrated me to no end.
i am hoping it is just because of everything that has happened the last 2 weeks or so.
but people have shown their true colors, that's for sure.
i don't want to go into details...
because complaining never helps.
lets just say i will be spending a lot of time quiet and to myself.

i have just felt like real shit the last few weeks.
when you are constantly put down by your family,
and then constantly put down at work by management...
you just don't feel like doing anything when you come home.
you feel like sleeping.
i have not even touched the presents from xmas i got.
they are still sitting in a bag in my living room.
i can't even really have anyone over to my house because it's a wreck.
i haven't felt like cleaning.
i guess you could say i'm depressed.
there are too many managers at work that are more than happy to tell you what needs to be done,
but when you try to voice a genuine concern to them,
they blow it off.
so you're still left doing other people's work.
then you get bitched at for having overtime.
i just want to quit my job and lay in bed all day.
i need a vacation badly.
i was trying to save all my vacation time up for when i quit...
it would make for a nice last paycheck.
even if i did take vacation,
i would come back to a goddamned nightmare or work to catch-up on,
because everyone knows nothing would get done.
it just feels like nothing matters anymore.
and thats a horrible feeling.

mom got me some thermal underwear for xmas.
normally i wouldn't bother commenting about something like this...
but they are SO warm and comfortable.
i want to wear them all of the time.
Cuddl Duds are my new friends.
i plan on buying several more pairs in the up-coming months before my move.

i watched america: freedom to fascism.
i guess there is no law stating you have to pay income taxes.
but you are still expected to pay them.
turns out the money from our income taxes doesn't even go to anything important.
that's why we have all those other taxes.
in fact, most of our income tax money is undocumented and no one knows where it goes to.
yet another reason to move out of the united states.
there are supposed to be new national i.d. cards issued in may 2008 to every american citizen.
if you don't accept the card,
you will no be allowed to board airplanes, open accounts with major banks or set foot in federal buildings.
doesn't sounds so bad to me.
the film also goes into the honesty of voting....
and how it doesn't even really matter who you vote for,
if someone rigs the count.
more reasons to feel let down.

i just found out about this site
it allows you to watch movies free of charge without having to download them or rent them.
there are similar websites out there,
but i really like the interface of this site.
i have viewed several full-length new releases this way.
ofcourse, it only has select movies.

i still plan on canceling my cable internet in a few days.
the savings will be well worth the time spent away from the internet.
i am able to get online through wifi at home everyday sometimes.
i can take my laptop to the tanning bed's parking lot and get a stable connection.
and if all else fails,
i can pay to use wifi at mcdonalds or borders or the like for a small fee.

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