Saturday, August 29, 2009

i look forward to seeing my friends

lately, it feels like i don't have much time to sit down and do anything.
but i know that is SO not the case. i'm just tired a lot.

in less than 1 week i will be on vacation and traveling to oklahoma to see family and friends for a few days.
it used to be so far off, but now that it's almost time, i'm kind of nervous and stressed about making sure everything we need is packed and everything is taken care of before we head out.
but when we get there, it'll be nice.
i also plan on covering up a tattoo while we are there.
hopefully the work will be within my budget though.

i look forward to enjoying my mom's cooking again.
i look forward to seeing my friends. i really miss them.
i look forward to going back to my old job and seeing if anyone i know still works there.
i look forward to time off from work.
i look forward to being able to just have fun.
i look forward to being able to have a few drinks.

steve got his driver's license and bought his mom's old car recently a month or so ago.
i'm very proud of him, but i would be more proud of him if he had actually done it for himself and not because of me.

work continues to get more and more difficult and aggravating.
there are some days that i will continually think of ways that i could quit my job and still be able to live.
i have to do the job of 3 people on some days and i feel like quitting right then and there.
i wish i worked a job where i did not have to rely on other people so much.
because other people constantly call-out or are just unreliable.
i am hoping by this time next year, i will be in school and either working there only part-time or not at all.
i'm tired of working my ass off for retail companies so that they can make the big bucks while i get shit on.

i decided at the end of may that i wanted to try to lose some weight again.
i pressured steve into getting a gym membership with me.
he was pressured into buying a bunch of training sessions that neither of us needed.
and now, i go all of the time and he doesn't.
it was a poor decision, but hopefully we learned from it.
i imagine once the personal training sessions are paid off, he'll probably cancel his membership.
i managed to lose close to 55 pounds with very little personal trainer help since we signed up at the gym.
i have become obsessed with working out and diet that i mentally and physically don't have time for much of anything else.
i almost wish that i could just stop and go back to the way that i was before.
living like this is not a whole lot of fun most days.
maybe when i reach my goal weight and start to slow down on losing weight/maintain, i will feel like i have more time in the day to do other stuff.
15 pounds to go before that happens though.

i don't know if it's just my luck, that time of the year or if i look more physically appealing to perverts now, but i have had a few encounters lately with some.
just when i thought that i was safe... now i feel like i need a weapon.
when i was heavier, i did not have to worry about this. :(

another downside to losing a lot of weight is that none of my clothes fit me anymore.
i tried on my old brown leather coat that i've had since i was 16 or 17 years old.
it always fit tightly and i never buttoned the last button on it.
but even when i thought that i was slimmer, it never fit the way that it should.
i tried it on last night.
i knew that it was gonna be a little big.
but i was in utter shock at how it just hung on me.
i was drowning in old brown leather.
i kind of felt like crying because i wanted to be able to have this coat fit me properly, not be the drastic opposite.
and from there, i experienced the same with my dresses that i had only gotten to wear a couple of times.
these are like, my favorite clothes... and i never got to wear them much at all.
and now, i can't.
it probably sounds petty to everyone, but it really is hurting me.
my clothes mean so much to me. and i'm not sure why... but they do.
when i moved from oklahoma to washington, 75% of the belongings i brought with me were my clothes.
and i'll be damned if only 15% of those clothes fit now.
i want to keep my weight at maintenance level throughout the winter.
no more losing weight if it can be helped.
i want time to enjoy my new coats and clothes before i can't fit them anymore either. being able to wear my clothing is the ONLY thing holding me back from just going for the grand prize of 140 pounds.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

i may someday end up on the show myself

it's sad that sometimes people go such a long time without blogging, only to pop up to blog only about the negative things happening in their life. that's like saying, "friend, i'm going to ignore your ass for 3 months until i break my leg and need your sympathy and help getting around." (end rant)

i haven't blog simply because i have been busy and can't think of anything out of the ordinary to write about.

i have decided to put off going to school for yet another year. not only because i am too unmotivated to get around to filling out all necessary paperwork, but also it would potentially interfere with a project i am currently working on. i call it the new chapter in my life. i would prefer not to write about it until i feel closer to being done, but i think it's going to turn out great.

steve and i are still in a great relationship. we are still learning new stuff about each other every day. and still learning how to tolerate one another in unique ways. we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary of being together about 2 weeks ago.

in late august we are planning a road trip back to oklahoma. ideally (i've requested it already), we'd like to leave out after i get off work on wednesday the 26th and be back the following tuesday. we would fly down and save a little money and have more time to spend with the family, but that would require me to leave my doggies behind. i think we would enjoy a roadtrip together anyways.

it feels like my responsibilities at work continue to grow and grow with each week that goes by. i try to take it with stride and just delegate my tasks unto other people. lol isn't that true management? i finally received my evaluation and pay increase earlier this month. so i am satisfied with my job for the time being.

i am currently extremely addicted to the tlc show what not to wear. i curse the day steve brought cable into my home. since i am so addicted to this show now, i am even more addicted to buying nice clothes, shoes and handbags. i guess that i am afraid that i may someday end up on the show myself.

for memorial day weekend, steve and i are joining his mommy for an afternoon of bicycle riding around medical lake. it sounds like it a good time to be had, but something tells me that i'm going to regret this "leisurely" bike ride. i was determined for one whole week to wake up at 4am and take the bike out for a ride in the morning before work. but that idea got old quick. so i am in no shape whatsoever for a long ride. lucky me.

we installed our window a/c unit last week. after getting home all sweating one day after being downtown for all of maybe an hour, we decided the quickest way to get comfortable was to just sit in front of the a/c on full blast. i didn't even own this unit until august last year. i was miserable until august. it was cooler outside at ground level than it was inside my apartment on the 5th floor. we made sure to not have another summer like that.

well, i have a lot more that i could write about, but i should wrap this up now. thank you for reading. i apologize for not keeping regular updates. i forget that sometimes people care and wonder how i am doing. follow me on twitter for more current updates.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

tweet like a baby chick for jesus

i have been pretty unmotivated lately.
especially when it comes to writing in my blogs.

i've been working full time again. and this time it's permanent.
i spent the last two weeks training a new member of my sign team.
only to find out 2 days ago that i am training her to take over my own floor.
i am the sign team leader, so i am supposedly not supposed to have a set floor to sign.
so i will just be running around helping other people. not cool.
we'll see how long this lasts.
i like the new girl, but i don't think she can handle what she's in for.

as most of you may already know, steve and i adopted another chihuahua last week.
she's the same age as brandy, but about half her size.
it took her about a day to warm up to us, but she loves me now.
she still doesn't know what to think of steve though.
she growls at steve when he kisses me. it's pretty funny.
she's an adorable sweet little girl. and she's smarter than what she leads you to believe at first.


jim gaffigan's king baby show/dvd was actually more hilarious than i thought it was going to be.
i thought that there was no way he could out do beyond the pale.
but i think he did.

speaking of babies...
for those of you who asked or just wondered, i'm not pregnant.
it was a poor attempt at an april fool's day joke. :P
instead of a baby, we get more snow.

i am also addicted to twitter now.
i didn't think it possible.... but apparently, it is.
i like to read jim gaffigan's retarded tweets from heaven... or wherever.
i think everyone should tweet.
easter is around the corner.
tweet like a baby chick for jesus..... or me.

steve and i need haircuts really bad.
the homeless people downtown keep mistaking us for one of them.
okay, not really. but it's kinda bad.
this all goes back to being unmotivated.
unmotivated to go sit in a chair while someone else cuts my hair for me..
maybe, i'm just plain lazy. isn't that a step above unmotivated?