half curly-cue red mustache

i awoke to gunshots monday night.
my first thought was "not again..."
but then i looked over at the alarm clock and realized it was midnight on new years eve.
safe for one more night.
i did however, lock my gate earlier that night.
i was bothered twice by this stoner dude looking for his girlfriend.
..."if you see jessica, tell her to come home. i got a lot of money. a lot."
didn't i just tell him i don't even know a jessica?

nothing is more traumatizing than witnessing two mildly retarded co-workers making out by the trash compactor at work.
i think i am going to be emotionally scarred for the rest of my life.
i looked over, saw them necking.
i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
but it turned out to be more of a loud gasp.

i have come up with a scenario i would like to act out at work.
i'd like to draw a half curly-cue red mustache on my upper lip with a sharpie.
the mustache would be just on the right side of my face.
i would be at work and i'd be sitting at my desk... pretending productiveness.
i would have my hand casually covering up the drawn-on mustache.
my boss would come into my office and sit down next to me to sign-off on his invoices.
as soon as he looks up from the invoices,
i would move my hand from my face.
i wonder what his reaction would be.
would he laugh?
would he seem concerned that maybe i did not realize the half-mustache?
would he even notice it?